I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
