well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
