wakey wakey hands off snakey
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
