Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize