My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
