I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
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You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?