Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night