We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.