everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
23 Annoying things Girls Do When They’re Trying To Be Cute
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!