i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
