I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I've blown a few things in my day
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
