Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
