you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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