I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize