I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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