you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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