it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
