Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
