just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i've created a new STD.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
