not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
