i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
