The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
