just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My ass is underappreciated
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
