Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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