You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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