you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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