i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I need a burrito and a hug.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
