I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
