I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
