well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
