I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
