I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I will die if light touches me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
