I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
