Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
