I think i sorta joined a cult last night
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
NoShamevember. You game?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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