I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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