i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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