i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
