SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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