Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
