At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
