I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
