Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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