i just google imaged poop.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just found puke in my bra..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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