fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
