why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
