i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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