Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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