drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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