I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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