i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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