im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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