I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
