***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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