Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
