Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
