My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
