So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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