so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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