apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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