This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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