Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
