My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
