last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
