So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
