She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
