thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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