I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
