It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
