Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
