oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
