Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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