I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
