If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
