my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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