Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
